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sg1 poke

Down in the dumps

Ever have one of those days when nothing works? Everything I touch messes up. I can't seem to get my act together. The Portal is rocking along but I ruffle feathers by trying to tweak the quality and have my typical problem of not following protocols (rule breaker in me). I guess I should keep my hands to myself, but I can't stand when something isn't working all clean and pretty. Then the gallery blew up last night and I ruffled more feathers by trying to fix it and completely hosing it. Maybe I should get out of this computer business. I think I understand something and my brain and the computer just don't seem to be in sync. Then there is the rest of my life... gaah Fat and old. And hurting in the back and front.

I can't seem to keep up with friends and I'm afraid they won't be around. All of this is real but I realize in my head that I'm worrying things to death--but my heart is anxious and scared.

I am setting out tomorrow to meet with H's math teacher because H is failing GT 6th grade math. This is a kid who I never had any worries about and here she is following in the footsteps of older daughter. So we're getting her tested for ADD. Life starts over again. I'm going to start exercising to loose this weight before my last operation. I think the weight is interfering with my health now. I'm frightened that I won't be able to do this diet thing (I always have terrible trouble) and I hate myself and am worried that folks see only my ugly outside... See the neurosis. I am opening up myself to the world here to find solutions. I'm tired of the lectures. I've heard all of them. I am going to do something about this, but I'm scared that I'll fail one more time.

So, I think I'm walking away from things for a while. Let the others do the site. I seem to screw up or upset folks. Got flamed on TF last night as well. sigh. Luckily I got rescued by friends. Just hope I don't loose them.

sigh.

Tracie Thoms / Jesse L. Martin / Cast of Rent - Rent (Film Soundtrack) [Disc 1] - Seasons of Love

Comments

i wish i had better words, but i'm sending you good thoughts and *hugs*. i know those days when everything seems to go to dren. sometimes i can laugh about it, other times not so much. i do believe that the more gentle and respectful we are towards ourselves, the easier it is to deal/cope with everything else. and as soon as i figure out how to do that, well, i don't think it's easy to do that all the time. but i'm hoping that you'll take good care of yourself in the process. *more hugs*

ps. and just imagine me being asked to deal with the cranky copy machine at work. why they thought that was a good plan is beyond me. i know they re-evaluated it after i caused the toner container to shoot toner into the air like old faithful. i share this as an example of days where everything does feel like dren. :)
Awww. Thank you for your words of encouragement. I don't feel so alone. I go through these funks and nothing seems good. Ah, the toner fountain, I've done that!
*more hugs* i think it's one of the annoying side effects of being human. as for the toner fountain...strangly enough no one has asked me to fix the machine since. heh heh heh. i looked like a coal miner by the time i was done with the thing.
*sets you down on the love seat with nice fuzzy comforter*

It'll be okay hon. Everyone has those days, and stop downing yourself so much. *thumps you lovingly* That only makes seem worse.

And that wasn't a flame, you have to actually care about the opinion of someone for it to hurt. This person...you don't know. You don't run in the same circles, so you shouldn't care that he pinpointed you. He recognized that you are a passionate person and have your own strong opinion, that's the only reason he singled you. Turn it into a joke. That something you said got under his/her/its skin enough to bug the crap out of them.

That's an accomplishment. ;) *vbg*

As for dieting. You and me both honey. I barely eat, yet still remain heavy. A nutritionist that goes to my mom's church told her once that was why I don't loose the weight. But I saw a link over on rubberneck's lj and thought it was interesting to check out. Maybe it'll help some.

Nutrition Data

*hugs you tightly*
{{{{{kaz}}}}}} I know this is Tina's anniversary and you are down in the dumps too. I read that little snippet regarding your niece. She didn't mean it, babe. Kids lash out when they hurt.

I know I am very hard on myself. I can't seem to stop. Thanks for the words of encouragement. I sent warm fuzzies back to you. Tina is up there watching you and smiling.

I'll check out Rubberneck's link. Thanks! Yup, my metabolism sucks.

The flame didn't upset me at all. That guy (and I know exactly who he is) is such a subversive character. I totaly understand him. It was just par for the course. He made me giggle.

Thanks again.
*smooches you*

The hardest part I think about starting a healthy diet and eating schedule? Family. If they don't want to go through the changes too, it makes it so much harder. I know mom and I have tried to set up menu for each week, but never accomplish it since the kids refuse to cooperate.
(((ix)))
Thanks, Bexxa. I always count on you.Hug
Confession:

That first comment was a hug because I couldn't think of a dang thing to say that didn't amount to "me, too." As in, I could rattle off a whole long list of my own of things that coulda/woulda/shoulda, and then there we'd both be, wallowing in our My Little Pity Pool(tm)s.

Why, I whine, can't it be enough to *want* things to be different? To *intend* to do better? Why doesn't reading the right book, or clipping the right how-to article just *fix* the problem? Huh? Why not?

Then, serendipity.

While gloomily clicking through bookmarks and following links in a wistful quest for something/anything that would be a Magic Bullet or a sack of Pixie Dust, I found this. The bit that stuck out for me was
Ask yourself what you can do today that will
a) keep it from getting any worse;
b) make up for the past error;
c) make it better


Whathell. Can't hurt. Might help.

That's all I've got today, hon. That, and Mal Reynolds with his "when you can't walk, you crawl, and when you can't crawl, you find someone to carry you." Maybe, in virtual togetherness, we can carry each other far enough, long enough, to get through this patch and into a happier place.

Again - (((ix))) - because I don't think there can ever be too many virtual hugs.
Ah, that trademarked place is my garden. I totally approve of Mal's philosophy. It is how I live my life. I just sometimes get really tired of the slog. Thanks for the link. I'll definitely read it.

You are the best!!!
You are the best!!!

Bullpucky. But thanks. :)
Ixie, wonderful Ixie...being scared is so normal. Fear of something is the first step to forming a solution. A year ago, I was 35 pounds heavier and about 100 pounds more depressed. One day, my daughter (who faced a much larger weight problem) asked me, "What will we feel like in a year...better or worse?"

It was a valid question, since I had always tried to teach the kids that no problem you face today will be anything in a year. Life moves on too quickly. So we began to work at curtailling the diet, exercising, and slowly, but surely, it is working.

Each and every day, you must find a joyful moment. Especially, when you doubt very much if such is possible. It's not vanity to list to yourself the great qualities you possess. It helps crowds out negative images you see so much more clearly than others see them.

When I spent a great deal of time on FMD (there I said it out loud), the idea of being part of it all was so much greater than some of the actual experiences. You have to ask yourself, is my energy worth the reward? I decided, it became too small for any type of rewarding feeling.

Happily, the reward was friendships which are wonderful, beyond whatever vehicle brought me to them.

If the "flaming" which hurt you is truly hurtful to you, you must find a way to sever that activity. Life is too short to retain the unpleasant. There are a great many things you can filter out of your life, not many of them easier than the cyber-type.

I value your friendship. It is worthwhile to me for you to be happy. Whatever direction you choose, know I will do what I can to support you.
Christi, that means a huge amount to me. Just keep pushing me. I get very very defeatist when I start a diet regimen. I can stay on track for about 10 days and then I fall apart. Just push me gently.

You are a good friend. I am very blessed. Thanks.HugKisses On Cheek
I can stay on track for about 10 days and then I fall apart. Just push me gently.

How 'bout everyone here on your flist promises to ask you every week how the diet is going? Gentle pushes, but a lot of them.

Or better, post here when you feel like giving up and we'll talk you right back in keep on going. We'll get you through, you'll see.
but I can't stand when something isn't working all clean and pretty.
You're not alone on that.

I think I understand something and my brain and the computer just don't seem to be in sync.
That has got nothing to do with you. Computers are evil little creatures, and will frequently do things you didn't ask them to.

... gaah Fat and old.
You're only as old you feel inside. Besides, you're not legally old until you reach 80, so you're not there yet.

I can't seem to keep up with friends and I'm afraid they won't be around.
Real friends will stick around. If they don't, then maybe their not as good friends as you believed them to be.

I'm frightened that I won't be able to do this diet thing
See my response in the previous thread of this entry.

I am going to do something about this, but I'm scared that I'll fail one more time.
Going in with a mindset like that, you're likely to. Key is positive thinking (I know, easy for me to say). You're gonna do this. You know why? As many of your friends have pointed out in the past, you're a very strong woman. You just need to convince yourself of that fact.

Your friends and family will support you. But you shouldn't be afraid to ask us to give you some (moral) support every know and then. Like I said in my other reply, we'll get you through this.

Marcel, I'm going to put you up to this. Sounds like a great idea--but be gentle as I tend to be a real grump because I get defensive. I know you are great at pushing. Big Grin nicely! Thanks for the vote of confidence. It means a lot.
Sounds like a great idea--but be gentle as I tend to be a real grump because I get defensive.
Won't bother me one little bit. Expect a post on my LJ or mail once a week from me. And I expect replies from you. No reply = more mails or posts, until such time you reply.

So, if others on your flist will do the same thing, you'll lose whatever weight you feel you need to lose.
Hi! De-lurking to suggest the South Beach diet. Forever, I ate what I thought was a reasonable amount of food and exercised lightly and continued to gain weight. About 8 weeks ago, I started the Southbeach Diet (one word, two, I don't know)and it has allowed the walking and biking to actually work, and the weight is starting to creep off the way it crept on. I eat when I feel hungry, I almost never crave. It isn't actually necessary to buy the book, and it's rather poorly organized.

Here's a free link to a great website that can get you started:

http://www.southbeach-diet-plan.com/

If you're on a specific diet, or if this is of no help at all, just ignore, and accept my apology for being a pusher.

seva
just ignore, and accept my apology for being a pusher.

Don't apologize for pushing her. She needs the push; she said so herself.
Seva, this isn't pushing--this diet looks doable. I am reading the site and it looks easy enough for me to attempt. Thanks! I'll let you know how it goes.