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sg1 poke

How fragile is life

I can't believe we lost Johnny Cash and John Ritter on the same day. It is funny how you feel you know public figures, and especially for John Ritter, feel like he's a friend. So sudden and unknown is scary. I have a fear of the unknown and unknowing that I constantly try to keep conquered so that I can go on with my life. When my father died 9 years ago it blew up in my face causing me to almost destroy my family and myself with my fears. Whenever I read about a sudden death these fears of what we can't control rear their ugly heads and I have to stop and say what we don't know can't stop what we do today because "what is the worst that can happen?" What a shame if something good is the next thing that happens and you miss it because of fears. So I plunge ahead.

I was accused of being very self-centered yesterday--"me, me, me" and that scared me because it is so like my mother. and he was right. I was so deep into my fears again that I couldn't see his pain and I was pushing him away when I was so afraid of that exact same thing. He grounds me and he did it again. Just gotta keep things in perspective--our life is good and he is a good person. He says that when he disagrees with me it is his right just as it is my right to disagree with him and it doesn't take away from us. We always seem to come to a consensus if I push away the fears and trust him. Communication is the key.

See, death makes me contemplative.

I tried to think of a drabble to the Beatles song and couldn't. Those song names are so evocative of Farscape. It is really weird.

Read Kazbaby1 Happy Birthday 2 (unbeta'd version) and loved it--how does she understand marriage and the pain of loving someone so much that you are willing to sacrefice everything for that person and live in a twilight in the hopes of life getting better is beyond me, but she did it. That story is brilliant.