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Nerve/Hidden Memory drabble

I was watching Nerve and Hidden Memory the other day and it struck me that the episodes cheat on how John feels from the rescue onwards. I wanted to correct that with a drabble.

Season 1, Episode Filler for Hidden Memory, Ep 1.20.
Rated: G, Disclaimer: I don't own this wondrous show, I just borrow the characters.

"There she is, the radiant Aeryn Sun!" I gasped as I grabbed at Stark to stop him from throttling me in his anxiety.

Stark struggled with his confusion (and I didn't blame him as even I couldn't believe how complicated this simple plan had become) as he continued to hold me, covering my mouth and nose with his clutching filthy fingers. I could see his terror in his half-masked face, the wildly rolling eye and the flush on his cheeks. Stark's wildness didn't help my physical situation one bit. I grabbed his hand and jerked it off my face.

"Crichton, how many Peacekeepers do you know on this base?" he growled at me. I looked at him blankly, his sarcasm barely registering over the pounding in my head and and the trembling in my hands echoing painfully with the palsy shattering my arms. I was really glad of his continued support too, as I'm not sure my legs could support me as of yet. I couldn't help grinning like a fool even as I struggled to catch my breath and pull my shattered self together.

"How ya doin'?" I asked her and nodded weakly at her affirmative response. I couldn't believe that she was really standing there big as day and in full Peacekeeper kick-ass mode.

Stark released me suddenly and I staggered and caught the rough walls of the cell with both hands. Aeryn looked back towards me from the doorway and shook her head once as she scanned me and ascertained my readiness (or not). God, how did Aeryn do it? Barely survive a Peacekeeper Swiss Army skewering and a slicing and dicing then rampage down to a greasy moon to save my sorry ass. And how did Stark do it? Survive two years of captivity, 100 sessions in the comfy chair? He showed me that place, that vision and said he could hide his thoughts. Who was he, this crazy being with the light of heaven in his head? Two days of this dren and I'm a total mess.

She stepped over the fallen security chief and pointing her pulse rifle through the exit, cautiously stepped out into the hallway. Stark followed her lead out the door. I somehow gathered my waning strength and lead up the rear. I couldn't get my thoughts together, couldn't do more than put one foot in front of another. My Aeryn never faltered, never wavered. She was waiting just outside the door and just grabbed me and pushed me in the correct direction. And so we went—the three musketeers or more accurately D'Artanian, the Man in the Iron Mask, and I.

I never really saw or heard the blaring sirens and pounding feet of the soldiers sent out to catch us. I concentrated on placing one running and stumbling foot in front of the other and prayed that I wouldn't fall down or collapse. Suddenly, I looked up and there was Gilina. Gilina. What was I going to do with Gilina? I was realizing slowly the reason I set out on this totally frelled up plan of mine--I needed Aeryn more and more in my life. There was some kind of pull, some kindred spirit kind of thing between us. What to do about Gilina who risked everything to help. I looked up at her where she stood with her techno-gadget case clutched in her hand. She smiled wanly at me.

She guided us to a grate in the floor that offered a hidey hole. I sat on the floor of the shelter sort of listening and trying to catch my breath as Gilina asked me impossible questions. All I could think of was Aeryn and wormholes. Wormholes and Aeryn. There was no room for Gilina there, but she couldn't stay. I just took her hand and held on for dear life as my mind tilted along with the exhaustion that wracked my body. Why is it never easy?

Luckily, Aeryn again came to my rescue. Good Timing. We lurched our way towards the staircase leading to the surface. "Damn Gilina!" I shouted when I learned that she insisted on staying on base because she didn't like the fact that neither Aeryn nor myself could give her a clear answer to her seemingly simple yet impossibly complex question…unspoken…I couldn't love her. My heart seemed to be slowly attached to my fierce warrior. "I have to go get her!" I couldn't let her be hurt, not after all she had done for me and mine. But when do I get to do anything I want?

In the end, Aeryn pushed and pulled me up the stairs as tears of frustration and grief washed down my face. I was so frelling tired of all this. I just wanted to rest without stress. My breath came in short bursts, sweat pouring down inside my t-shirt and purloined uniform when we reached the top riser. A strong hand yanked me through the doorway and stood me up against the wall. I didn't even have the energy to protect myself should this be a bad guy. I raised my arms to ward off the coming blow, but only felt strong arms supporting my total weight as I sagged in relief and exhaustion. "D'Argo! Zhaan!" I couldn't believe they had come down for me. My twisted family continues to surprise me with their loyalty. Before I could say or do more to thank them, we had company.

Stark and I held off the Black Hats while the others lead us closer to the safety of the transport pod. I don't know where I got the strength to shoot and duck my way along the ruins on the surface. I guess if Stark could manage, I could too. "Suck it up, John," I whispered to my self. I ignored the pain, stiff muscles, sore throat, aching head, and shivering limbs in the adrenaline rush of combat. I think I hit a few of those guys too.

I felt elation when I saw the huge fire ball engulf the position of the remaining Peacekeepers and as I turned to follow my friends, I felt a terrific jerk on my collar and the hot breath of hell on my neck. Scorpius. I knew I was completely screwed as I listened to him gloat. Shit! I hate my life. I didn't think I could take much more abuse, but I had to figure out something. All or nothing was the key as I turned to the son of a bitch and grinned at him. I hoped he hadn't seen my amazing Gilina jump in front of us pointing a huge rifle his direction. "Shoot him!" I yelled trying desperately to distract him from my girl and her gun.

The pulse blast heated the air next to my ear as I heard her scream. I found the strength to beat the crap out of Scorpy's head, momentarily blind-siding him. All I felt was numbing grief and foreboding. Gilina was down on the ground. I scooped her in my arms and dragging my feet ran for the transport pod. Someone, D'Argo I think, took her from me as I collapsed on the deck, energy spent. I don't know what happened to that cadaverous bastard, or for that matter Crais. I didn't care.

I didn't remember the trip back to Moya.


Whoa! Kudos for just making sense of it. So much happens in those few minutes. Thanks for this. It's nice to read where John is coming from, his internal fears and hopes.