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sg1 poke

Chemotherapy, Farscape and yotz

Well, pathology report came back and showed no lymph nodes have been compromised and that they got the tumor out cleanly. Nasty thing--very aggressive. So the doctor has determined that a series of chemotherapy is warranted and off I go to the oncologist on Tuesday to begin the next phase of my journey.

I have been having weird thoughts about all this. My mother is nuts--very very needy and fighting with my hubby over who hurts the most over my situation. Meanwhile I sit here feeling that I don't deserve all this attention--I don't feel sick and can't get my mind around the future--just stuck in the present and worrying about supporting everyone else emotionally while I fall apart inside slowly from the stress of it all. D is great support--tells me constantly that my mother is unhinged in her constant pleas to let her help and feeling sorry for herself and combative towards D since he is helping and she can't (I can't seem to get it through her head not to jump 20 steps ahead of me and demand my emotions when I don't know what is happening or what to think about all this yotz). Luckily my sister and I convinced her to go back to Mexico for two weeks while I wait for the next step. Since she has left I have spoken to a wonderful woman who helped me see that I need to protect my self from these stresses and to understand my mother's neediness. I still need to hurt her eventually because I need to grow up.

So I wait for Tuesday and ponder how to survive the emotional rollercoaster.

I re-read Kernelcrash's amazing story Child of the Night-Director's Cut and got to thinking about the wide gulf that separates two camps of Farscape fan fic-- call them the "Literary Mavins" and the "Story Tellers" and fence-sitter that I am, I can understand the split. Yet, it pains me that there is this rift. Great literature is experimental, such as John Dos Passos or Updike or Ulysses and difficult to read and makes you think with every word. There is a place for this type of writing and it is inherently elitist. Then there are the story tellers, the Cliffard Simak's, Zenna Hendersons, Judith Tarrs who are read like comfort food--they lead a reader in with simple, straight ahead stories filled with vivid characters and deep characterizations that I can visualize deeply and FEEL. There is a place for both types of literature. The Sparkys are a popularity contest as much as a recognition of merit. As such, I am not surprised that the difficult stories, the Black Ghosts and Fialka's and Cofax' experiments are bypassed over the straight ahead stories like Crash's Cholak's Demon or Reefrunner's trilogy. Because readers recognize superior of both types--the stories and the literature and the voted on the best of both.

There should be no animosity and bad feelings over the imbalance between stories and literature in the Sparkys--comfort will win over working to understand a story every time. It is surely even amazing that some of the difficult stories won and deservedly so.

Now about the argument about "Happy ending" stories vs. ambiguous or bad endings--I do fall strongly on the side of being REAL and TRUE to the characters. Bad!John or Evil!John or Braca/John relations, and so forth aren't real to me. John Crichton is a very complex character with a rich and evolved history that entails violence to his world and himself, yet he retains a kernel of honor and greatness within himself that makes Farscape special. I can't see that killed. So I guess I am a wimp and Kansan at heart.

I love the folks on both the Dark Fic school and the Fluffy Bunnys school and it saddens me that there is this competition here. Let's not let it split the Scapers, okay?



Thea, I agree with you whole-heartedly. I think reading your very cogent analysis of the Sparkys started me ruminating (dangerous thing for me to do). I am not trying to be judgemental when describing the two camps as Literary Mavins and Storytellers--the Literary fic tells amazing stories and the Stories sometimes are quite imaginative and experiemental. I was just pondering the wheres and whyfores of Farscape fan fic writing that generates such emotional heat between the experimenter's readers and the story-teller readers (the so-called dark-fict and fluffy bunny fic). Being the fence-sitter that I am--I see value in both approraches and just enjoy learning to write from both communities.

Thea, your work is amazingm and deserves a readership that appreciates craft and beauty. As I have said before, since the Sparkys are a popularity contest --the medium wins always and the edges get short shrift (sadly). It is truly amazing that any of the challenging fic gets nominated and wins at all. I'm glad that there are people who are willing to take a chance and read the risky stuff and grow from that effort.

Thanks for your mental support. I'll be fine.


I think you've done a beautiful job of just putting the thoughts out there, and not laying judgement on either side, just considering the questions:) And I tend to be an equal fence sitter (because for me, ultimately, the enjoyment of fic comes done to the telling of the tale. I don't enjoy something dark and experimental unless it's well done, and give me fluff with heart and skill and I'm just as happy. It comes down to good writing. And that's where I draw the line:)

And thank you for the praise. It's made me blush like a fiend, and congratulations on your own success with the awards, and really for having the courage to try a new thing - to write fiction, challenge yourself and your concepts of what you thought you could do:) IT's been exciting to see the progress and the process:)