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all I've got

Not looking for sympathy, but must unload

This must be the week for job losses and such. I have to put my story in the pot. I've been thinking about how this current economic environment breeds bad luck for people who do not fit into the standard (if there is such a thing) worker mold. Whether from personality, or talents, or situation, some people--and me especially -- cannot seem to find a place.

Thus, I've been struggling for a month to get my arms around a huge catalog web site that I am rebuilding. The sales manager wanted it stripped down to bare essentials so that the non-computer literate store owners who purchase from the site could find the art pieces they wanted to buy. So I proceeded to do so. I did not change the design color scheme or concept of white space and black, white, and royal blue angular shapes, so much as add a side bar with large text and pop-up menus locating all of the art objects by type and gift choices. I thought I was on to a good thing. I was having trouble getting the sucker to work because of the all the legacy materials and code.

I am naive and tend to try to hard to please my clients to the detriment of protecting myself. Thus, I uploaded the web site too early before it worked and freaked out the sales manager and office manager. This was a grand mistake. I also had a difficult time explaining what was going on to folks at my client's office because all but a few are completely computer illiterate. Meanwhile I was supposed to be updating the site with new inventory and removing the old stuff.

Well, I get an email from the artist--boss--guru--that the site is cold and unfeeling and where are the all the buttons? I totally loose it. It seems that the sales manager and office manager have been complaining to said boss about the site while telling me everything is going fine. Sigh. So, I resign.

Now I have to put the site back the way it was before I started--which is tenuous because I have made so many changes.

So, I made copius mistakes in how I handled this thing. I find that I am not cut out for single-handedly managing four web sites, one of which is enourmous. I tried to please everyone and ended up pleasing no one. On top of which, the office had a huge computer glitch in that their servers weren't working and I stopped what I was doing to assist in moving these four domains to a new host and ensuring that emails and IP addresses worked. So, where do I stand? I feel totally worthless and incompetant.

Back to square one. This struggle is overwhelming. I'm not asking for "awww baby" but I just want to figure out why I can't seem to play the office game and I can't seem to communicate how complex web design is so that people give the time it takes to do the job correctly.

Oh, did I mention that I am doing the work that was bid at 3 times my pay because the artist didn't want to pay and then he accused me of overpromising at too high a price. I suggested to him that he bite the bullet and hire a staff of designers/developers and build the site he wants up front for the money it takes. Short changing the amount of work leads to the situation I found myself in.

Sigh. I just feel totally shitty.

On a happier note--Congrats to everyone who won Sparkys. The list of winners and nominees was awe inspiring. You guys rock.



AFGO, as a friend of mine says: Another F***ing Growth Opportunity.

It may be that this experience will make your next endeavor turn out better.

I love that. I have got to make an icon with that. AFGO

Thanks Bexxa.

sorry doesn't cover it...

...but i really am to hear about the grief. life is really overwhelming and so very often it just bleeds and bleeds and bleeds over into everything. working anywhere these days just seems such a tenuous and excruciating experience, because it's all about politics and games and sticking it to someone who has not protected themselves adequately from the circling vultures. wish i could be more life affirming and offer some words of wisdom, but the best i got is what got me through four pregnancies and deliveries. this too shall pass.

Re: sorry doesn't cover it...

Awww. thanks. That is my motto in a nutshell. Believe me, this year has been full of bleeding... So, we just pick ourselves up and move ahead.

I think I grieve for something that never existed--the ability to do work without the games and politics and be understood. Ah well, Bexxa said it all.
hey, ix...

Unfortunately, although you could explain how complex web site design is until you are blue in the face, most people don't give a damn about the particulars. They just want it to work, and work right NOW, and work the way they thought they wanted it (or work better than that when the way they thought they wanted it turns out to suck). You are in a no-win situation when dealing with non-tech people. Jan's got a thousand of these stories.

Maybe the best thing you can learn from this is that you really can't make everyone happy, and that you have to look out for your own interests. Hard and cold I know, but no one else is going to protect you but you.

You know, I always learn things the hard way. I've been selfemployed for almost 15 years and this new field I've entered seems to be the most difficult to get my arms around. I think it is exactly because of the reasons you describe. I know in my head that I have to get tougher, but my heart is more difficult to convince. Thanks for the hugs.

I agree with Bexxa and you, as well as my friends who said the same thing and my hubby who also said that business is full of clients.

I'm a slow learner, but I do get there. Thanks again.

You still have your friends

I've never worked for myself but for others. I so hate the politics and the petty games people play. I have way to many scars in my back where someone wanted to take a jab. Life is to short and I'll be damn if I'll let anyone keep me down. You have a very good heart and kind nature and the petty little people out there just love to stump on that because it makes them feel powerful.

My grandfather use to say that a person with book smarts but not common scents are a danger to others and to themselves. In other words fools are a dime a dozen and the world is full of them. So hang in there.

You might feel like shit now but that will pass like so much stink. Just know that you have friends who will be more then willing to be there when you need to vent.

Know I'm thinking of you.

Re: You still have your friends

DE, that means so much to me. Thank you. I think I'm the book-learned fool. But I do learn. I went back and asked if I could be the person who does the grunt work and leave the designing to wiser heads. I'm waiting for a response.

Thanks for your support. It really helps.
Ah honey, it's so hard to have to learn things like this in the middle of them. I'm so sorry that you've had to deal with all of this, and so annoyed on your behalf that you were getting information from one set of people that was contrary to what they were telling their boss. That's so very frustrating.

But good luck on everything. I hate to sound trite and say it will work out, but I know you're talented and professional and things will work out one way or another in the future.
{{{{{{{{hugs thea back}}}}}}}}}

Thanks so much. Coming from you that is an enormous boost and complement. I hope things work out for you. If I had any contacts in your field, you would be sure I would pass your name around. Hang in there. You are loved.
Thank you honey. That means the world to me.
::offers you a sympathetic hug::