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Ego and Art

I’ve been thinking a lot about the conjunction of ego and art/work. What brought this on is my current anger and hurt over being “fired” from a fan site I built, nurtured, and sweated over. The question is, do I have any ego rights over a web site after it is built and functioning? I am hurt because the group I built it for took it over in such a way that I was pushed aside as if I didn’t matter. Yes, I told them I was burned out from the constant accusations that “I broke something” if someone couldn’t make an input work. Yes, I told them I was taking a leave of absence from day to day upkeep. NO I didn’t tell them I didn’t want to have rights to the backend and server. The way I found out that I no longer was welcome was the day I tried to log on to fix something aesthetic on the front page and found myself without permissions or even a log on id.

This hurts lots. I have a tendency to wind myself into whatever I do artistically. My web work to me is both an art as well as a craft. I built this sucker, trained those women, and nurtured the site along. I maintained it and researched and built it up and rather than consult me about its future or use my expertise, the head of the group announces to me that she is the new webmistress and that is why I was locked out. I know I should walk away. I know that this thing has me crazy with hurt that is so silly because it is a web site that is meant to be run by its owners. But now when I look at its rearrangement I am cringing at the mistakes and server errors as well as pissed that the new webmistress is crowing in emails that she has “fixed” it. Nobody asks me anything.

So, am I a big baby or do I have a right to be upset? Where do I fit in fandom? Is there a fandom for Farscape really anymore?

I am currently working at an actual job! I am enjoying the work on a real content management system as well as the respect I am afforded for my efforts. It feels good. This is what brings on my upset about the work I’ve done in the past year. I’ll stop bitching. I just wanted to get it off my chest.


Awww. Thanks. That means a lot. You "get" it. It is the being treated roughly that hurts.

I hope you are getting used to your commute. That must be very rough.
Where you "fit" in fandom is, I think, up to you.

Whether there's a Farscape fandom is something I can't answer for you. "My" Farscape fandom is a fond memory, and I keep it that way by focusing on other things. Others may feel differently about it, and that's fine.

As for the emotional investment you feel about the website - I can understand how that feels. I've had "my" systems at work, and I've continued to feel proprietary about them even after I moved on to work on other things, and after other people became responsible for those systems. Over time, I let the systems go.

See, if I didn't, I wouldn't have room in my worklife for new things, and I do like new!shiny. Now, if I could extend that attitude to physical things, I wouldn't be such a packrat, and my house/office wouldn't be cluttered with things I used/loved once, but now not so much, except I haven't let them go, and here they are, taking up space that I wish I could use otherwise. The accumulation is, actually, oppressive...

Anyway - you have something now that you're excited about! Focus on that, and I suspect that the website can become a fond memory and not a constant source of stress.
Bexxa, as usual you are very wise. Yes, other systems and sites I've done I feel ownership in and then gracefully let the clients "own" them. I move on to the next new thing. I think I am upset about the WAY this was done. The turning over the site is fine--the method of dropping me hurts muchly.

My husband is a packrat. I have a huge ability to throw away things. I get urges as I hate the clutter of the old in my life. There is too much of that. So loosing the web site is fine, being treated like dirt isn't.

Yes, Farscape fandom is fading for me and I'm trying to hold on to it. Could it be I'm growing up?

Thanks for the insight. You rock!
I am currently working at an actual job! I am enjoying the work on a real content management system as well as the respect I am afforded for my efforts. It feels good. This is what brings on my upset about the work I’ve done in the past year. I’ll stop bitching. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

I think you have answered your own questions, lovely Rita.

If I know you, at all, you will redirect your energies into this and do very well. Please, don't let these silly people, who can not let go of a television show, hurt your feelings.
Hey Christi, does this mean I'm growing up??? Yes, I seem to be passing a phase at the moment and it hurts muchly. I always take the method I'm treated way harder than what happened. You can fire me but be nice about it. lol I am a naive soul and always assume folks are going to be civil. When they are not, it shocks and hurts me.

I thought I was dealing with friends. I should have heeded the warning signs. I didn't duck and got splatted.

Yup, moving on. Thanks for the thoughts, dear friend.


Growing up? I certainly hope not!

I have no intention of doing so...not in any conventional sense of the word.

Look at it this way...it was fun while it lasted, but a hobby or pasttime should be just fun. When it's not, move on. Only a job has to be worked at, reinvented and suffered through from time to time.

You are a woman of many diverse interests...I can't imagine you will feel badly for long...too many cool things around to get your attention. Let them stagnate on some silly, tired obsession.
ixi, that sucks. no way should they be able to just kick you out like that. they don't know what they've lost.

as for an FS fandom, i think there still is an FS fandom, i think there always will be. like there is still an X-Files fandom, and still a Star Wars fandom (by Star Wars, I mean the real movies). Its just quieter now than it used to be.

hang in there!
That seriously bites, and they're a bunch of asshats for doing that to you. The least they could have done was freaking talk to you about the decision and not just boot you to the side as if you weren't worthy of them anymore.

You know what? Fuck them. You're better than them, and its your right to bitch all you want. You're the one that put the site together.

There will always be Farscape fandom, and the few assholes out there will never take that away for you. Just next time...create a backdoor password so you can't be locked out again and can take down the content YOU created. That way if someone decides to take you out of the loop, you can go in take back your stuff and leave a note stating that you and your creations are no longer affiliated with the site. *veg*

Hey, I may love the show and the majority of the fandom, but that doesn't mean I don't have a vindictive streak. ;)

And YAY! for new job that makes you happy. *hugs you tight*
I have to agree with Kaz. This was something you poured your heart into and no one has the right to take that away from you.

Fuck 'em.

I'm pissed for you.
You know, this is liberating in a way because I've been so involved with that web site and group that I've been ignoring the rest of my interests as well as fandoms. I'm writing fan fiction again and enjoying reading Patricia Finney and watching bad movies with Ben Browder in them (the worst has to be Nevada) and chatting around.

Thanks for the support. I was feeling sorry for myself. I'm better now.
Whether or not the separation was handled well (and it doesn't sound like it was--poor communication?), it's probably best to just let it go. As you yourself say, you've moved on to more rewarding things.
{{{hugs}}} and yay that you're working on another job.
:( That sounds mean of them to do.

And its okay, you have the right to bitch. ^_^ I would to, and have over much less important things.

Well dearest, you know how I feel about this whole thing. It's difficult to expect more or better from people who haven't attained that status previously. When their highest bar that's been reached is say, a foot or two, it's hard to expect them to take the high road isn't it?

And you know (and you have known) for a very long time that you are far beyond that site and much much much better off without them. It hurts (and we both know it does) but if you step back and are able to look at it realistically, they were lucky to have you for a while. And you did get them started. That site would not be there or like that were it not for you and we both know that.

They can THINK they can do it, but everyone always thinks they can...don't they?

ah you are so wise... ObiTwich. and very correct. I'm done whining. I must must must call you tonight. Gotta just talk. This job thing is very intrusive on my social life. lol

{{{{twichie}}} I can always count on you.
ObiTwich. I still like that! LOL!

Funny...my job IS my social life. I get to call people and see what they know about celebs for a living! Isn't that great?

Oh..and I watched the MOST incredible Ewan porn last night! GUH! I've got to tell you about it. The story was SHAKESPEAREAN. For real! LOL!
Shakespearean!! *snerk*
Well, you'll note I said it was for real! LOL!!!!!
I can totally understand how you feel - especially since I imagine you didn't get a dime for your hard work and it was all a labor of love. It helps a lot when you get cut out but you've also been paid for your work :(

But the flip side of this reality is that those people ... well, let me just put it this way, be happy that you aren't associated anymore. Turn it into some positive thing like "you gained more experience" or something like that.

I hope that helps in some way.
Thanks scorpy808. I know you know who and what I'm referring to and I know you warned about working with them and you were right. In the end my labor of love is still mine in that I gained the knowledge of how to build a CMS portal. That can't be trashed. So, yup, when you get lemons, make lemonade.

Cool advice.

Glad you're working at a job you enjoy. As for those "other folks" ... as other people have said, fuck 'em. Just remember that it is less about YOU and more about THEM--as in they don't have the communication skills or common decency to be up front with you.

Fandom... it's a strange landscape. What I've found over the last few years, as things have changed, is that you carve your own place. But it has to be what YOU want. Writing fanfic is a great thing because it's a creative pursuit.


Well crap!

You are a very talent, gifted person I have had the pleasure to know. Screw with the power hungry morons in their desire to take what they can from people with a kind heart like yours. I still love to visit Farscape fandom every so often to check up on the news. I have really enjoyed your new writings, and I am sure that your personal life with family and new job (way to go girl) will make your life even fuller.

Keep smiling and screw the rest.

Re: Well crap!

Awww, having friends like you make all this dren stuff worth it. I love being a beta reader and bunny for your stories. Long may we keep partnering! And thanks for the words of encouragement.